youre lurking in front of me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
