yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dear god my vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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