as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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