Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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