you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
