the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
