I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
