So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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