She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
