He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize