This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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