i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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