I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
