News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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