im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize