she told me i tasted like america
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
