peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
