hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
