Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
