I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
