my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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