I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
