My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
