nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
