I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
