God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
