the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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