In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
