I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
