Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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