We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
