Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
