I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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