i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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