Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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