She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
