Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
