Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
