i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
