Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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