Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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