I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize