somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize