I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
