Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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