I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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