i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
