I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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