Will you blow on my dice?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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