Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
