I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
