I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
