Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
