what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize