She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
