he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
