I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
