hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
