So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize