i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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