Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
