I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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