Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
