Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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