I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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