you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
