i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
