So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
