I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
