I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
