Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
