just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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