im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
