apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
