We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
