2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
