I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
