Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
