can we get nightvision for the apartment?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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