he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
