I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
